Your guide to a balanced life
“People are not disturbed by events but by the view they hold about them.”
Do you sometimes make statements similar to these?
“I have to lose some weight otherwise my boyfriend will leave me?”
“I can´t stand my pain any longer.”
“I shouldn´t eat so much after 8pm, but I can´t help it.”
“It´s awful when I can´t satisfy my partner. It should be so easy to get aroused by her/him?”
“I can´t tolerate my boss´ unjust behaviour. He makes me so angry.”
Well, if the answer is yes, than there is frankly no surprise that you have been disturbing yourself over and over again. Notice how demanding and rigid the statements are and how little flexibility they leave behind.
An American psychotherapist Albert Ellis called these demands “musturbation”. Rigid, irrational and dogmatic views which can distort generalise or ´shrink´ our view. The way out from the “musturbation” is to take responsibility for our very own emotions, beliefs and behaviours. The second step is to consciously identify the core unhealthy negative beliefs, which have been detrimental to our mental and physical wellbeing.
Unhealthy Negative Beliefs
Healthy Negative Beliefs
|Jealousy||Concern for ones relationship|
Must, have to, should, ought to
|Preference e.g. would be nice if…|
|Derivatives:||Low frustration tolerance e.g. I can´t stand……||High frustration tolerance e.g. It´s difficult, but I can cope with this|
|Awfulising e.g. end of the world bad, catastrophic||Bad, not what I want, but could get a lot worse|
|Self/other/global damning||Self/other/global acceptance|